I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
