I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
