Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
