Do you still have your period?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
