Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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