i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
