3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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