Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
