At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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