Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
