Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize