is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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