i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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