She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize