i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There r osticjed everywhere
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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