My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
