it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
