We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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