Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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