How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize