I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
