Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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