My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize