you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just want nice things and good sex
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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