her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
