woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
