capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
