he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
