My room smells like vodka and shame
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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