now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
