Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
