so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
