So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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