Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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