so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
