I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Randomize
