she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
