i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
