Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
