you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
