Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize