Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
