you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
