She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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