he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
