So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize