Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
