can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
