Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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