Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
