we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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