I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
