She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Enjoy the penises
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
