the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
