He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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