I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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