i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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