I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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