He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sext me about skeletons
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think i got beer on your cat.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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