im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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