y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
