K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
