I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
