Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
