Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
