I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
